It’s time we put an end to exposing our children to the alarmist threats of global warming when they could be doing something more constructive in school, such as talking about the Ten Commandments.
As the director of FOOLS — Floridians Organized to Obstruct Learning Science — I applaud Gov. Ron DeSantis for his stand to alter science textbooks to comport with Florida’s ultimate goal of teaching young people to revere the oil and gas industry at all costs.
This is the kind of goals-oriented learning that makes Florida a thought leader among those who proudly object to thinking.
We here at FOOLS say striking mentions of “climate change” is a start, but far from the last bit of guidance the political leaders of Florida should be giving textbook authors when it comes to streamlining knowledge to serve the political ambitions of Florida’s leaders.
We at FOOLS fear that book authors will continue to slip in references to the effects of climate change unless we here in Florida give them our own scientific narrative in its place.
Here are some suggestions:
Forbidden topic: How scientists have concluded that climate change has led to warmer oceans, which means more powerful hurricanes.
Acceptable revision: Call hurricanes “freedom winds” and explain they are stronger when God wants to punish places for having diversity, equity and inclusion programs in the workplace, requiring childhood vaccinations and allocating public funding of the arts.
Forbidden topic: How climate change creates rising seas which may require large public works projects to protect coastal communities from flooding.
Acceptable revision: Rising seas are beneficial by eliminating the staging of drag shows in coastal communities, while creating new opportunities for former inland homeowners to fulfill their dreams of owning oceanfront property. Overall, a win-win.
Forbidden topic: Reducing man’s carbon footprint by switching to renewable green energy sources is the best way to fight the ecological threat we have made worse by relying so heavily on fossil fuels.
Acceptable revision: If you have a battery on a boat, it gets too heavy, and the boat starts sinking. Now, you’ve got all this electricity in the water, and there’s a 10-foot shark there. What do you do?
Do you get electrocuted by the battery or eaten by the shark?
Forbidden topic: Animal species are being threatened by human-caused climate change. This is especially true with frogs, who are particularly vulnerable with their permeable skin and unprotected eggs.
Acceptable revision: God is wiping out frogs to let us know that we have to do a better job of banning books in school libraries and diverting more public money to religious schools.
Forbidden topic: The study of 30 glaciers show that they have lost an average of 60 feet of thickness since 1980, while the area covered by sea ice in the Arctic has shrunk by 40 percent, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has noted in a “climate change impacts” statement.
Acceptable revision: Leftist deep-state organizations such as NOAA will finally be disbanded once the conservative, second-Trump-administration playbook, Project 2025, goes into effect.
Project 2025 restores faith in America-first science by calling for NOAA to be “broken up and downsized” due to the “climate alarmism” spread by its office of Oceanic and Atmospheric Research.
It points out that NOAA has corrupted “its useful functions,” and will have to be reorganized.
We here at FOOLS argue that this will be best achieved when all functions of NOAA are run through the federal courthouse in Fort Pierce under the guidance of U.S. District Judge Aileen Cannon.
Forbidden topic: Climate change has a direct link to human health issues by increasing mortality, impacting food availability and limiting worker productivity.
Acceptable revision: Drill, baby, drill!
